Dreams Of Love
by true-slytherin
Summary: A rewriting of the fifth season from between Crush and IWMTLY S/B
1. Prologue Buffy

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Ennemy. I'm just borrowing it. The song is by Michelle Branch Pairing: S/B Time: post-Crush A/N: Sorry for the spelling mistake, I'm French./ / are thoughts  
  
Dreams of love  
  
Buffy looked around herself. Weird, a minute ago she could have swore she was at home and now she was at the bronze. But that was not the weirdest thing cause when she looked at the stage to see the band that was playing, she saw Spike get on stage  
  
-Here's a song about how I feel about a girl, he said, she's my life and the reason I get up everyday but every time I try to just get around her, she just hurts me more. I know I haven't been a great guy for her everyday, but she could at least believe me when I tell her I've change and that I love cause I truly do. So here's to you, my luv. I hope you'll have a good life without me, as you always wished.  
  
Buffy's breath stopped for a second as she heard Spike talk(Weird, I never heard him speak with that accent) with such passion  
  
/Is he talking about me?/  
  
She truly didn't know and her feelings got even worse when she heard him sing.  
  
Of all the things I believed in  
  
I just want to get it over with  
  
/Oh my god, what a beautiful voice, I never thought he could sing that well. But he said that he would leave her so does this mean he'll leave town?/  
  
Her heart was filled with misery and despair at that single thought but her being her normal "Denial Queen" self, she just pushed that thought away. She could never fall for a vampire.  
  
Tears from behind my eyes, but I do not cry  
  
Counting the days that pass me by  
  
I've been searching deep down in my soul  
  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  
  
Feels like I'm starting all over again  
  
The last three years were just pretend, and I say  
  
Goodbye to you  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
  
You were the one I loved  
  
The one thing that I've tried to hold on to  
  
/Does he really feel this way? Does he really love me like he pretends he does? But that's impossible cause soulless monsters can't love/  
  
I used to get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
  
To a place where I am blinded by the lights, but it's not right  
  
Goodbye to you  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
  
You were the one I loved  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time  
  
I want what's yours and I want what's mine  
  
I want you  
  
But I'm giving in this time  
  
Goodbye to you  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
  
You were the one I loved  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
Goodbye to you  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
  
You were the one I loved  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
And when the stars fall I lie awake  
  
You're my shooting star.  
  
The crowd clapped wildly as Spike finished the last notes. Whispers from all around the room came to Buffy's ears about how could someone be that mean and hurt someone as sweet as him. Spike bowed and said:  
  
-So that was for you Buffy, wherever you are. I love you, always, no matter what. But you always say you want me out of your life. So there you go, I'm gone.  
  
He left the stage with a look of complete sadness. The only living part of her heart broke looking at his expression. She couldn't believe how clear her live was now. All those look of hurt came flashing back in her mind, all those times she rejected him, all those times she was mean to him, during all those times, he loved her. She hurted him so badly and yet he was still coming back, every single time. She finally realized how unfair she was to him, he helped her and she just shrugged it off and said that if he got the chip out he would be back to his old self. She never saw how wrong she was. She changed him, she made him want to become someone good, someone worthy of her love. And only now she realized something was wrong with that. It wasn't him that as worth her love, it was her that didn't deserve a love as faithful and pure as his love. And that was the worst for him because he didn't think she could never love him, she made sure of that, but truth was she already loved him. She loved every part of him. The annoying and cocky vampire, the sweet and sensitive man she saw sing tonight. But it was too late now. He was gone. She pushed him away like every man she loved. But maybe if she found a way to stop him before he was really gone. She ran as fast as she could but when she reached his crypt, it was already empty, empty as her heart right now. She collapsed on the floor, sobbing. She cried herself when she heard a voice:  
  
-Buffy, wake up  
  
IT WAS JUST A DREAM  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Fanny~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I would really love to know what you think about this so review please. 


	2. Prologue Spike

A/N: This chapter's narrator is me at the place of a God narrator like in the other chapter. Also I do not own the song. It belongs to Linkin Park.  
  
Prologue  
  
Spike  
  
He was drunk. Terribly drunk. Of course he had reasons to drink that much and at this state he remembered them way to much. He couldn't believe how pathetic he was, but then again, wasn't he always like this?  
  
/Why me? Why does it always have to be me? Didn't they hurt me enough yet? It's always the same thing. I should have known better that love and me never equals happiness. I love with all my heart and every single time it gets back at me. What did I do to deserve this? If only I knew. Oh that's right, I'm cursed. Every woman I'll ever love will or hate me or stay with me while waiting for someone else./  
  
Cecily was a bitch to him and thought that she was better than him. Yeah like that's true. Yes his poetry did suck but he was a gentleman and he never did anything to her but love her. And look where that led him. To a psycho bitch. Speaking about the loony tunes that sired him, what the hell was wrong with her? Yeah I know Angelus badly tortured her, but man, all her dolls had the same name. I always wondered how he put up with her for a century. Oh, that's cause he loved her. But did she loved him. No. she stayed with him waiting for the Poofster to go back to his less annoying but still nuts old self. And when that happened, she barely talked to Spike because she was always with Peaches and yet Spike was still trying to win her over. And when Angelus is back to Angel, she tells Spike he's not bad enough for her. And on who does she bases her standards on? A really mad vampire that has nothing better to do than stalk his ex and draw pictures of her when she sleeps. Yeah, he's like a total big bad. I mean compare to him no one is a big bad. And even if someone has evil enough, she would always love Wonder Boy more and that's one of the reasons why she's mad, I mean he tortured her and her family, made her crazy then turned her. Plus he really knows the way to a woman's heart. We would all love to see our puppies get mailed and get a human heart as a V-Day gift. We all find that so romantic. And what the hell is it with those leather pants anyway? It's not because he's the big bad he has to wear them. And last but certainly not least on his love life, Buffy. The Slayer. The one he should never have fallen for. She always fell for the wrong guy. First, Angel. Angel, oh, Angel. I could go days complaining about his annoying, whiny, broody ass and about his wonderful musical talent and the grass on his head he calls hair but that would probably bore you to death so I'll just skip that part and go next. Parker, aka Neanderthal Man, was a jerk that was near Buffy because he only wanted to get in her pants. And lastly, Captain Cardboard(Riley) was Buffy's chance of a normal relationship all in a annoying know-it-all and as boring as a rock envelope. If only he could have died when he took that thing of his chest, I would have been so happy.  
  
But poor little Spikey, Buffy hates him and that's truly beyond my understanding. How can she not see how perfect they are for each other.  
  
Spike opened the radio to check if there was a song that could reflect his mood. When he got to a song, he couldn't help but start singing along.  
  
It starts with  
  
One thing/I don't know why  
  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
  
Keep that in mind/I designed this rhyme  
  
To explain in due time  
  
All I know  
  
Time is a valuable thing  
  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
  
The clock ticks life away  
  
It's so unreal  
  
Didn't look out below  
  
Watch the time go right out the window  
  
Trying to hold on/But didn't even know  
  
Wasted it all just to  
  
Watch you go  
  
I kept everything inside and even though I tried/It all fell apart  
  
What it meant to me/Will eventually/Be a memory/Of a time when I tried so hard  
  
And got so far  
  
But in the end  
  
It doesn't even matter  
  
I had to fall  
  
And lose it all  
  
But in the end  
  
It doesn't even matter One thing/I don't know why  
  
Doesn't even matter how hard you try  
  
Keep that in mind/I designed this rhyme  
  
To remind myself how  
  
I tried so hard  
  
In spite of the way you were mocking me  
  
Acting like I was part of your property  
  
Remembering all the times you fought with me/I'm surprised  
  
It got so [far]  
  
Things aren't the way they were before  
  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
  
Not that you knew me back then  
  
But it all comes back to me  
  
In the end  
  
You kept everything inside and even though I tried/It all fell apart  
  
What it meant to me/Will eventually/Be a memory/Of a time when I I tried so hard  
  
And got so far  
  
But in the end  
  
It doesn't even matter  
  
I had to fall  
  
And lose it all  
  
But in the end  
  
It doesn't even matter I put my trust in you  
  
Pushed as far as I can go  
  
And for all this  
  
There's only one thing you should know... I tried so hard  
  
And got so far  
  
But in the end  
  
It doesn't even matter  
  
I had to fall  
  
And lose it all  
  
But in the end  
  
It doesn't even matter -What the hell is going on? You sing now? Said Buffy as she entered the crypt  
  
But she wasn't alone much to Spike's and my despair. She was with the Poofster. And that was weird since it was daylight and Peaches was not dust(unfortunately). But Buffy answered that question.  
  
-He's human now. He got his reward. We just came to tell you that if you're not gone in a week or if you're not out of that imaginary world in which you love me or we'll stake you. Just one more thing, I will never love you. I love Angel and we're soul mates.  
  
Spike screamed then suddenly found himself in his bed. He was dreaming. 


	3. Chapter 1

A/N: I do not own the song.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Two lost souls woke up at two different physical places but at the same place of mind. They, who didn't have a reason to live before, were given the chance to finally see where they belong and found each other. But the still had to break away from their different world that keeps them apart. Her, a vampire slayer, whose destiny is to fight vampires and demons to free the earth. Him, a master vampire, slayer of Slayers. They met and try to kill the other but never really could. Then happened what he thought was the worst that could happen to himself, he got chipped. He couldn't feed on humans anymore and slowly but painfully for him, he fell in love with her. But she would never let herself fall for a vampire. Then higher forces decided to help them and so they both had dreams in which they lost the other. So she wakes up ready to fight to make him understand she loves him.  
  
Buffy came down the stairs with a really unusual resolve face. Xander, there to repair the sink noticed it.  
  
-Hey Buffster, what's up? You seem really happy. Care to share with me the reasons?  
  
-Oh it's nothing. I just realized something.  
  
-Really, what?  
  
-You'll know when it'll be time, she said smiling  
  
She drove Dawnie to school since her mom already left for work, then she got to her own classes but she wasn't really listening cause she was thinking about finding a way to tell Spike she loved him. The only thing she found was to tell him the truth.  
  
She went to his crypt and found him there drinking and he was singing. When this began  
  
I had nothing to say  
  
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
  
I was confused  
  
And I let it all out to find /that I'm  
  
Not the only person with these things in mind  
  
Inside of me  
  
But all the vacancy the words revealed  
  
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel  
  
Nothing to lose  
  
Just stuck/hollow and alone  
  
And the fault is my own  
  
And the fault is my own  
  
I want to heal  
  
want to feel  
  
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long  
  
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone] I want to heal  
  
I want to feel  
  
Like I'm close to something real  
  
I want to find something i've wanted all along  
  
Somewhere I belong  
  
And I've got nothing to say  
  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
  
I was confused  
  
Looking everywhere/only to find that it's  
  
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind  
  
So what am I  
  
What do I have but negativity  
  
'Cause I can't justify the  
  
Way everyone is looking at me  
  
Nothing to lose  
  
Nothing to gain/hollow and alone  
  
And the fault is my own  
  
The fault is my own  
  
I will never know  
  
Myself until I do this on my own  
  
And I will never feel  
  
Anything else until my wounds are healed  
  
I will never be  
  
Anything 'til I break away from me  
And I will break away  
  
I'll find myself today  
  
I want to heal  
  
I want to feel like I'm  
  
Somewhere I belong  
  
She knocked, not wanting to disturbed him and knowing that he probably wouldn't happy knowing she saw him like that.  
  
-Who's there?  
  
-It's me, Buffy  
  
What are you doing here? You decided to play with my mind again? You thought that you didn't hurt me enough so now you're doing that to get my hopes up to only crash them again, he said his voice full of anger  
  
That made Buffy cry cause she knew it could have been true and she needed to find a way to tell him it wasn't. She just decided to stick with the truth.  
  
-Look Spike, I know I hurted you really badly and you have no idea how guilty I feel about this. You gave me your heart, your whole being and I crushed it without any second thoughts. But some things change, she laughed ironically at this, seems the PTB's finally decided to put their noses in my love life. They made me dream of you. You were singing, she laughed softly at that memory, a laugh without any malice in, you sang about me. Then you said you'd leave. And my heart was filled it co much pain when I heard that. It felt like someone took out my heart and stomped on it without any mercy, like half of me was missing. It was only then I realized how much I love you. I ran to your crypt as fast as I could but you were already gone. I cried and cried and cried. Actually, I don't think I cried that much in my whole life, even when Angel left. You know, after all the guys ever loved left me, I swore to myself I would never give my heart again, but I was wrong. Without even knowing it, I gave all my heart to you. More than I ever gave to anyone, even the "love of my life" Angel, it's mostly because I know I can be totally myself without having to hide my feelings or to not use my strength fully by fear of hurting you. I love you, you've gotta believe me. I don't know if I could live knowing I hurted you so badly, you would never believe I could ever love you, not that I didn't do anything to make you think that. I can only hope you'll let yourself be as open as when you confessed our love. I love you, it's true, it's happening so believe it.  
  
She was crying by the time she was finished. Spike's heart broke at that sight. He took her in his arms and comforted her. She stopped crying for a while as she lift up her head to look at him.  
  
-Do you forgive me?  
  
Her voice was filled with so much vulnerability that he nearly cried.  
  
Of course I do luv. I love you and I can't stand to see you in pain. Yes, you did hurt me but I don't blame you, after all you were only protecting yourself. I think you hurted yourself more than you hurt me. But now the only thing I want to think about is how to keep you safe with me and to stop anyone from hurting you.  
  
She closed the gap between their faces and kissed him. It was long and full of promises. He broke it up, looked at her in the eyes and said:  
  
-I love you, I love you so much  
  
-I love you too.  
  
-Can you say that a gain please  
  
-I love you.  
  
They kissed again and soon they were making love. They fell asleep, exhausted, cuddled together. Buffy woke up with an enormous smile on her face. She couldn't remember being that happy in ,well ever. She was madly in love with a great man and unlike the other times she didn't have any doubts cause she knew he loved her and he would never leave her. But soon her face was clouded at the thoughts of telling her friends. They never approved of Angel and he had a soul so imagine Spike. They had to find a way. It didn't really matter cause there was no way they would break up but she didn't wanted that relationship to be hidden from her bestfriends. They just probably would never believe that Spike can love her that much even when they saw him take care of Dru.  
  
Spike woke up and saw Buffy deep in thoughts.  
  
-Penny for your thought? He said with a smile  
  
-Oh I was just thinking about how we're going to tell my friends about us.  
  
-Oh shit, he said, looking at his watch, it's 6 am. =. You have to go home before your mum or the Nibblet wakes up. Come here by sundown. We'll find a way to get through this together.  
  
-Ok  
  
She stood up but came back to where she was.  
  
-Sorry, I forgot to kiss you.  
  
She kissed him  
  
-I love you, she said with a smile  
  
-I love you too. 


End file.
